After her longtime costarChristopher Melonileft in season 12, Hargitay says she grappled with whether she still felt truly committed to continuing with the show.
“I did a lot of soul-searching of whether I wanted to go on,” she tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue. “I was on my way to being at peace to be done.”
But a revitalized season 17 and continued opportunities to direct and produce episodes led her to a recharged sense of purpose.
“I feel so newly challenged and inspired and excited, which just surprises me,” says Hargitay, 55, of season 21. “I can’t believe how much I care now.”
Virginia Sherwood/NBC
Although she’s starred on the series for two decades, Hargitay admits that she is “still learning on the show.”
“It is so challenging to me. People think,Okay, you’ve done it. And yes, there are scenes where I’m like, ‘I’ve done this scene. I’ve done this scene 5,000 times and I can do it in my sleep and in Chinese.’ And then there’s something else, or another moment where I go, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ And I get so happy of how nervous I am,” says Hargitay.
She adds: “But with all the new things that I’ve learned, I go, ‘I can’t leave the show.’ I’m learning how to direct, I’m learning how to executive produce, I’m learning how to produce-produce. I’m learning about the puzzle of putting things together and weather and actor availability.”
Cliff Watts
Of course, the star has long shown her deep-rooted dedication, as demonstrated through herJoyful Heart Foundationfor abuse survivors and in her much-lauded documentary,I Am Evidence, about the rape-kit backlog.
With a few months beforeSVUresumes filming, Hargitay is keeping busy with another passion project: the documentaryEmanuelabout the massacre at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church. The film will be available in limited release on June 17 and 19.
With a work ethic that her husbandPeter Hermannmarvels at (“Every day you go in and swing for the fences,” he says), Hargitay has no intention of slowing down.
“We all face walls that can stop us. But it’s empowering to say, Nah. No wall,” she says. “Whether I have to climb over it or smash it down, I’m going to keep going.”
source: people.com
